Welcome back to Crispy on the Outside, where we like our biscuits like we like our life advice: layered, buttery, and a little crumbly under pressure. Today, we tackle the majestic buttermilk biscuit — not the hockey puck your coworker brought to the potluck, but a flaky, golden miracle that practically peels itself apart like a well-written plot twist.
Ingredients
- 2 cups all-purpose flour (sifted if you’re feeling pretentious)
- 1 tbsp baking powder (because science)
- ½ tsp baking soda
- 1 tsp salt
- ½ cup unsalted butter, cold and cubed (as emotionally distant as your ex)
- ¾ cup cold buttermilk (or a weird milk/vinegar mix if you’re living dangerously)
- Extra flour for dusting
- Extra butter for brushing, because this isn’t a diet blog
Instructions
Step 1: Don’t Melt the Butter
- Preheat your oven to 450°F. This is not negotiable.
- In a large bowl, whisk together the dry ingredients like you’re trying to impress someone watching from the window.
- Add the cold butter. Use a pastry cutter, fork, or your suspiciously cold fingers to cut it into pea-sized chunks. This is your flaky texture insurance policy.
Step 2: Buttermilk Shenanigans
- Pour in the cold buttermilk and stir until a shaggy dough forms. If it looks like a mess, congratulations, it’s perfect.
- Turn it onto a lightly floured surface. Pat it down gently. Do not roll it out like cookie dough. This is a biscuit, not a doormat.
- Fold the dough in half. Then again. Do this 5 times. Each fold is a layer of flaky dreams.
Step 3: Cut with Commitment
- Pat the dough to about 1-inch thick. Use a biscuit cutter or an aggressively clean glass. Or, let’s just cut the biscuits and the pretense here. If you want to save yourself some time and rolling, just cut the dough into 2x2ish squares, rectangles, trapezoids, or polygons, depending on how poorly you rolled it out.
- Press straight down — don’t twist. Twisting seals the edges, and sealed edges = sadness.
- Place biscuits close together on a baking sheet. They support each other. Unlike your group chat.
Step 4: Bake to Glory
- Bake for 12–15 minutes or until tall, golden brown, and radiating buttery smugness.
- Brush with melted butter while warm. This is the final flex.
Texture Report
You want a crisp, golden top that crunches lightly before giving way to soft, layered fluffery inside. If your biscuit feels like a paperweight, start over. If it peels apart like edible origami, you’ve made it.
Serve With:
- More butter (obviously)
- Honey, jam, gravy, or a sincere apology
- A deep sigh of satisfaction
Now go forth and fold. These biscuits may not solve your problems, but they’ll make you forget them for at least 12–15 buttery minutes.