Welcome back to Crispy on the Outside, where we believe nostalgia is overrated—especially when you can make your own knockoff childhood favorite in your kitchen. Today we’re building Crunchy Peanut Butter Bars that shamelessly mimic that ridiculously yellow candy bar nobody can officially mention.
Why bother? Because store-bought versions are full of mystery oils, preservatives, and lawyers. Our homemade rendition uses real ingredients and the kind of dry humor only a midlife crisis can inspire.
Ingredients
- 1 cup peanut butter
- 1/3 cup corn syrup, light
- 1 cup sugar
- 1/3 cup water
- 1 lb. milk chocolate melted and tempered
Instructions
Cook the corn syrup, sugar, and water together until they reach a blistering 310 °F—yes, babysit that candy thermometer like it’s your last friend. Tear the pan off heat, dump in the warmed peanut butter (because stirring cold peanut butter is for masochists), and whisk until it looks like smooth molten remorse. If you do not mix thoroughly, you’ll have pockets of tempered glass rather than a smooth, buttery crunch. If you don’t preheat the peanut butter, you’ll have a solid slab of highly fragile, uncuttable sorrow.
Pour the lava onto a greased cookie sheet and score it into pieces before it sets.
At this point you can melt and temper the chocolate, because it’s going to be a good half hour before the candy mass cool enough to coat. If it’s still warm when you dip it in chocolate, it will break the chocolate’s temper, and he’s pretty unforgiving.
Once it’s cooled and hard enough to snap your willpower in half, dunk each shard in melted, tempered chocolate. Think of it as giving your brittle life choices a glossy new coat.
Texture Report
- Interior: I realize this item inverts our crispy on the outside creed, but it works. I’ve not heard anyone complain. You can complain, but I’ll delete your comments promptly, and remove you from my Christmas list.
- Exterior: A refined chocolate shell that snaps before giving way to peanut butter rebellion.
Final Thoughts
These DIY bars aren’t just a candy—they’re a statement: you refuse to bow to corporate candy tyranny. Now go forth, snack boldly, and remember: you didn’t just make candy; you made therapy in a wrapper…but don’t bother wrapping these, a container or plastic bag is fine.
Coming soon: How to confuse neighbors by gifting homemade candies in mismatched packaging.